she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
