he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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