Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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