He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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