My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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