Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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