I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
