It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
