So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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