Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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