why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And the cops told us we were all naked.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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