My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
