vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
