Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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