I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
