Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize