Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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