no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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