I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
