Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
