Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
