I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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