I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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