May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize