There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
