I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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