I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
