i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
