I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
