a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
