When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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