It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
