your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
bring money and cleavage
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
