you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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