the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is wine microwaveable?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Your penis caused this!
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