Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
