I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
