i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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