i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
