U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
