im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
