She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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