I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
