Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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