How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I sprained my soul last night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
my poor anus
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
