Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
