Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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