her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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