I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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