if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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