She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
