I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
