I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
