We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
