I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
