I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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