Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
