if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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