I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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