There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
