I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
