I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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