I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
