i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want to make out with him forever
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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