i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
