Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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