can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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