Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So squirting runs in the family.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
